DAY FIVE

This diet has been improperly named. It should not be called the “raw food diet”; instead it should be named the I-want-to-shriek-at-my-boyfriend diet or the I-give-nasty-looks-to-anyone-holding-a-coffee-cup diet. I am irritated. I had to go food shopping today because, incredibly, I have eaten the entire heap of bananas, apples, oranges, lettuce, asparagus, green beans, spinach, zucchini, avocados, broccoli and tomatoes that I bought just last week. It is amazing. How could I eat so much fresh, healthy food and still feel so crappy? By the end of the day, Daniel was brave enough to tell me never to go on one of these “crazy” diets again. I had to give him a mental high-five even though my eyes were spitting fire at him. Wow. My behavior was that bad? I assessed my mood: my mouth was in a perpetual frown, I was lethargic and listless. My head still hurt and my legs still ached. Even peanut butter couldn’t cheer me up.

For dinner, Daniel was craving a hamburger so we drove to one of the local spots. He opened the glass door and I inhaled deeply. The aroma of oily french fries and juicy meat was intoxicating. He ordered one of those burgers where the grease drips down your smiling face and you need ten-thousand napkins to mop it up. I was in a complete state of jealous agitation. I will have to say that it is a good thing I am so stubborn because I was ready to lick the grease off the formica table. There was no dignity left. But! Lucky for me, I AM obstinate to a fault. I held on. Strong. Determined. Cantankerous. Like a mule.